I have a forgettable face. I have realized this as early as elementary when I had to introduce myself during the first day of class. I was supposed to say my name, age, and where I am from. Statements of facts are the most boring things to say. No one really remembers your name during the first day, unless you’re pretty, rich, famous or smart. I was none of that. The teacher would remember everyone, except me. I looked so ordinary that I almost looked like everyone else, a girl in uniform with her shoulder-length black hair, and a pair of slit eyes that sheepishly looks down when spoken to.
There’s nothing astounding about me. It was perhaps the reason why I am forgettable. I am ordinary and I look like everyone else. Even my answers were average. While other’s answer would have follow-up questions from the teacher, either for clarification or in search for more inquiry, mine would usually get the “ahh!” or “okay, you may sit down”.
I never stood out in a crowd. I am usually eaten by the crowd. I guess that makes my “ordinariness” so oblivious that no one would even notice I even existed in this world.
Do not get me wrong. I do not despise being forgettable. That is who I am. While there are people who are unforgettable, there is also a fraction of the population that is difficult to remember. I belong to that fraction of forgettable people. I walk on this earth to physically exist but never to resurface in somebody else’s mind or memory.
Perhaps there is only one instance that I’ve hated my forgettable face.
When you meet the love of your life, all you wanted was to become the most unforgettable face for him. So unforgettable that he would recognize me even if I was to walk backward or sideway on the street; or even it was just my voice that he has to hear, or my handwriting that he has seen. I wanted to be the most unforgettable person that he will ever meet. But I guess, that would be asking too much.
I needed to make an effort to be unforgettable. I needed to say something so he wouldn’t forget. I needed to put up a face so that I could make even the tiniest mark in his memory, or perhaps a remarkable gesture that would make him extra curious. These were all efforts for me. For a person who has accepted the fact that she is forgettable and has lived a life of it, making herself stand out is an effort to reckon with. To him, I am just someone he met randomly. To him, my existence is just a fleeting memory.
(rayts/02072017/jeonju)
raytsbaron 